Picture perfect.

In today's society, we are judged by how we look, how much we weigh and what class in society we fit in. I think this is sad because those people who judge don't realize how much that person that they have judged and made fun of feel inside. I am a perfect example of being judged. My own mother sometimes judges me to an extent, how much I eat, how much I do homework, etc. And honestly, it kills me. Why don't people just look at the positives instead of the negatives? I'm not saying that I'm perfect, trust me, sometimes I judge a person too quickly by appearances, but no one's perfect. Everyone judges, but it's the extent that someone judges. When someone is judged, that person becomes critical of themselves throughout life. Not 100% of all judged people do this, I'm one of them that still do, even though my self esteem is higher than average.

Now, I'm not trying to put the spotlight on me, but I'm trying to make a statement. My best friend Miranda is a photographer in progress, and she asked me to model for her today. These are some picture proofs :)

Now, normally this would be a good "senior" picture pose. Nothing wrong huh? My face looks fat. My shirt is too low. And my eyes are just weird. Very uneven.

This one is honestly one of my favorites. My hair is good, it's bright, nicely done pose. You may think that I have it all. I have fat thighs. My hips are too big. And behind this smile....there is depression, hurt, low self esteem and a girl that has been sexually assaulted more than once. I will be scared for the rest of my life.

Nothing wrong with this one, right? Wrong. I hate my smile. I wish I had a bright, beautiful, full smile.

This girl right here, looks confident, smart and has her life in order.
I hate my self image. I wish it was easy to lose weight. I don't do well in school, I don't study. I see a counselor once a week to help with my problems, it's a struggle to keep friends.

This girl, right here knows what she wants in life. Not afraid of anything.
I don't know what I want in life. I'm afraid of my future, money, work, school, family, friends and my daddy in heaven. Sometimes I have breakdowns. And in those breakdowns I want my life to end, I wish I was never born.

I guess you never really know how a person feels inside until you get to know them. When I took a poetry class in high school, I had a quote I had to define in  my own words, it said, "If you judge something, you will never learn to love it" True that. I'm not trying to have a pity party for myself, I'm trying to make a point that is such a big deal in today's world.

Now, for the positives:

I love laughing and smiling. Laughing is the best medicine. I honestly laugh at myself allll the time! And a smile can say a million things, overall, happiness. And it's contagious ;)

Even though I need to lose weight, I'm pretty content with myself. Yes, at times I get a little down on myself, but that's okay, it'll only make me stronger. I have a bad sweet tooth, I can't help it :p I try to go to the gym often.

I look at myself constantly. I make sure my hair is okay, my makeup is in place and that my butt doesn't look THAT big ahhaha

I'm actually a pretty confident person. I think I'm pretty. I think I have a lively laugh. I always smile and have a good time. I have cute dimples when I lose weight.

I do see a counselor once a week, but it has made me a stronger person as I get older. I have a lot on my plate for a 20 year old, (or I think) and it's sometimes hard to make the right decisions on life, boys, friends, peer pressure, school, work and my lovely daddy in heaven. But I love life. I couldn't ask for anything better in life, because EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!!!

After all of this, I do know that I will find the perfect guy that will treat me the way I need and deserve to be treated. He will not judge me, take advantage of me, use me and overall not take care of me. He will love me for who I am and that's all that will matter.

"Cause someday maybe somebody will love me like I need, and somebody I won't have to prove. Cause somebody will see all my worth, but until then, I'll do just fine on my own. With my cigarettes amd this old dirt road." The Wreckers.

I am who I am, and no one can change that. I may not be perfect, but really? Who is?