Love or infactuation?

Welllllll, I'm confused. It's about Brian. We hung out last night, and at first I wanted to make it work again. But then I was thinking maybe I don't. It's honestly not him really, but I think it's because I'm not ready. I mean, I kind of want a boyfriend again but at the same time I don't. I just don't really know what I want. There's a part of me that still kinda wants him but yet the other part is over him. I think this week, since we've been talking, I have been happy because we're not fighting for once and we're friends. I mean everytime we talked I just got soooo happy and giddy. I felt good, inside and out. But now that we've hung out I've realized that the happiness is there but it's decreased, know what I mean?

I'm not going to lie, I do miss a few things in our relationship, but it's the typical boyfriend/girlfrined stuff, not necessarily all about him. Right now, I just want to see how things go with our friendship. It would be hard to date, hypothetically, and wind up probably breaking up again and starting over all over again with our friendship. Like really? It took us 9 months after the breakup to start talking again. I do think it would be kinda easier though, for the breakup thing, after the 2nd time. Since we've been through it, and I'm going to try my best to not go back to the bad part of our previous relationship. Idk. I'm thinking too much about it, probably.

I've realized last night that it's kind of hard to start over with an ex. I'm not talking about feelings, but to be careful about what you say. There's no more love, so we can't say, "You love me anyway", and stuff like that because obviously we don't have those feelings anymore. It's still fun to talk to him, I'm really glad we're talking again. I'm mostly just going to let him text me when he wants too, unless obviously I need to talk to him or something. I don't want to rush anything or push any buttons with him. I don't need to be on bad terms with him again. I've personally set a boundry line for me. Maybe we'll date again, and maybe not. He has changed alot. And so have I. But there's still alot of work ahead of us just for our frienship.

I'm sure my next blog will be about him again, so I'll keep you updated. ;)


I love this song. It's not about Brian at all. Or anyone else for that matter, but it's really a great song. Enjoy :)