Life can only defeat you if you let it

In the past few months I have learned a lot. About myself, others, family, friends and my past. I've learned that it's hard to get over something/someone if it/they meant a lot to you. Life's not easy. Sometimes people take the easy way out and end their life. Let's face it, life is hard. Paying bills, school, heartbreaks, depression, love, friends, family, etc. sucks. It all sucks. Well, a few months ago, I had this set in my mind that life sucked. And honestly, it really doesn't. Life can only defeat you if you let it.

I've let life defeat me. I gave up on everything and everyone. Not anymore. I had a wake up call that has changed/helped me for the better. I've realized a lot. And I didn't have a councelor to help me think that way, I did it myself. Life is short, so live it up. Do something you've never done before, be different, be unique, be yourself. Honestly, I'm quite embarassing to be around sometimes. I'm loud, crazy, bright, obnoxious, stubborn, clumpsy and just overall a weird person. But I like that. It's who I am. And I like me. A lot actually. Some may not but I sure do enjoy myself sometimes.

So, here's the latest update:

Brian and I started talking again. Memories have definaetly been popping up often. I miss it. I miss him. I miss what we used to have. Or do I? Am I making myself feel bad? No one really knows I guess. Well, I kinda miss him. Not like I miss him so much that I'll cry or anything. But missing someone isn't bad...is it? I don't know...but oh well. I'll move on eventually. He is taken so nothing said could change anything.  But honestly, I'm very content single. I'm not ready for a relationship right now. I know that I can't handle it. I need time. Lots of time.

I tried a long distance relationship for the first time: FAIL! It's not for me. I need/want to be close to someone, not 4 hours away. It did teach me a lot though. Brian and I were ALWAYS together at the end/middle of our relationship. We never really hung out with our other friends or had girl/guy time. The long distance relationship made me realize that you don't need your partner 24/7. He doesn't need to be there for you just to give you a hug. A person needs to be a little independent in a relationship. I know I'm a very emotional person, but I've gone too far most times. I've definaetly learned to not get your hopes up or put that person on a pedistool. Not good. I did that with Brian and I demanded wayyy too much out of him. And that's not right. I know that I'm not perfect, so why should my boyfriend be? I'm honestly a real complicated person to deal with sometimes. I don't always say/ask for what I want nor talk about what I want, so why should my partner? I'm far from perfect, it's crazy. Like I know that no one is perfect, but I tend to think that way sometimes...that's bad :(

I pretty much have a new bedroom. I have a new mattress, bed, dresser, and a flat screen with possible Netflix. I'm realllly excited.

I miss my dad. Like a lot. I think about him everyday. I know I've probably said that before but it's true. I got my first tattoo. I'm proud of myself! I'm also going to make a little memorial for my dad in my room...I got a little wall thing at Hallmark that says; "Our hearts still ache in sadness, and secret tears still flow, what if meant to lose you no one will ever know" and I will have a picture of him right beside it. I'm realllly excited to put it up this weekend! :)

Theee tattoo!!! It looks better in person....




RANDOM THOUGHT:
I've been thinking about my future...and how it's not going to be according to your "plan" so...I'm not planning on getting married and or have kids til I'm 30. HAHAHAHAHAHA! My mother doesn't like the idea, but I think it's kinda funny :p

Have a GREAT day! :)