Saturday, April 16, 2011

No boyfriend zone.

I've recently found out who I really am. I've personally been struggling with myself, self esteem and my social life. I always wanted to be around boys and stuff..and really, I enjoy having guy friends because they don't cause uneccesary drama but do I want to be more than friends with them(him)? Not sure. Recently in my life I've gotten myself into my first long distance relationship...we broke up withing 2 weeks. At first I thought it would be good for me because my last relationship we never had space between eachother. It's the point of trusting him that really bothered me. I mean it was good and I learned a lot from those 2 weeks. I've noticed that I will litterly making myself miserable. I was constantly putting myself down and making myself feel like shit. Well, obviously that's not cool. I'm generally a confident person. I am compfortable about myself and I always have a sense of self wellness.

I've really realized that I don't need a man/boyfriend in my life. I actually LOVE being single. I can talk to boys all I want and have no self guilt about talking to them...even though we are just friends. I love having NO drama in my life. I'm too busy having fun with my friends and family that I don't necessarily want or need someone to make me "happy." At first I felt like I did need a guy to make me happy, but in reality I really dont. Yes, it is nice to get flowers, cards, a nice dinner or something cute like that from a boyfriend, but honestly, I've been told that by my guy friends that I'm beautiful, I deserve someone better, amazing...etc. That's all I need. And actually, I need myself right now than a boyfriend. Who needs boys? Sarah Jahraus doesn't right now! :)

Now here's the hard part...my dad. God, I feel like it gets harder and harder as time passes. I can't believe it'll be a year in July. I wish I had my dad here to help me...I mean I have my mom but it's also nice to have a second opinion on my questions about life, love and the future. I miss him so much. There is not one day that I don't think about him. Everytime something reminds me of him or if I talk/hear about him I get so depressed and start crying. I think I need counceling or something. I don't know. Ugh, I wish I knew what I needed to get through this..to get though everything.

Daddy, I love you and I miss you like crazy. Here's a song that reminds me of you, and that you are here with me.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJEP5sWuDi8